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Mummy, I miss you

21 Sep

Is there anything worse than mummy guilt?

When your little one is beeging you not to leave them at school/nursery and you try to explain that you have to go and ill pick you up later at the end of the day. It’s hard walking away from that sad little face that doesn’t want you to go. 

Then you have to leave them to go to work! Doesn’t this just up the ante. 

I work awful hours, I’m in retail and our stores working hours are from 7am till maybe midnight if we’re lucky. I’m also on them management team which doesn’t hep matters at all as there are certain times we have to work to do the jobs were responsible for. Lucky for me I have an understanding boss and as I’m the only single mum on our management team he will help me out if or when he can whilst still being fair to everyone else. Also I don’t want to be that mum who uses her child as a weapon to not have to work certain times or shifts that’s just not fair. 

This week and last have just been awful as we are so short staffed I feel like I’ve not been home at all and to be honest I actually haven’t really. 

This is the issue. She misses me, I miss her and this brings on the attention seeking behaviour! 

“Mummy why can’t you stay at home so you can take me and pick me up from school every day like my friends mums”

How nice that would be, but completely unrealistic for me. The thing is she has to stay out when I’m at work and boy, does this make me feel bad but does it make me a bad mum?

I like to work, I love my job but with shift patterns like, 4pm-9pm then back in in the morning 7am-4pm you can see where she’s coming from. It’s hard on both of us. 

I try to make it work but is it ever enough and does this feeling that I’ve just abandoned my child for my selfish reasons go away?

Am I selfish? Should I put her first and be solely there for her until she’s a bit older? And ultimately is it doing her more harm in the longterm that I’m not at home all the time?

Personally I would like to think that I’m instilling a way of life into her future that when your older you work for a living as this is where money comes from. To be a role model for her some one she can be proud of and look up to. 

I hope so I really do but for now I’m sat here on my lunch break drowning in mummy guilt counting the hours till the end of my shift 😦

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Posted by on September 21, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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